Loss and Gain
by Quaintly Modern
Summary: After the death of Neil, expulsion of Charlie, and forced betrayal of Mr. Keating, Pitts and Meeks look to each other for comfort, finding something more in the process. One-Shot. Meeks/Pitts


This is my first foray into DPS fanfiction, but I've read quite a lot of stories and have marveled at the scarcity of Meeks/Pitts. They're so cute together! Moving on, I've watched the movie many times, but slashing characters is always a little tricky, so constructive criticism is _so_ welcome, it's ridiculous. And flaming for slash, while I don't think it happens much in this fandom, is almost as ridiculous, since I've stated the pairing _and _the fact that it's slash twice before you even get to the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society, as evidenced by the glaring lack of Meeks/Pitts action.

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The snow fell serenely on the grounds of Welton Preparatory Academy, oblivious to the workings of the students and administration within. Oblivious to their grief, anger, regret, and self-loathing. It seemed to taunt the boys whose world had been perfectly normal just a few days before, the boys who were now surrounded by death, accusations, and loss. The snow was unaffected, falling gently, covering the outdoors with a soft blanket of white. Turning his gaze from the mocking scene of winter wonder outside, one of the boys at Welton Academy frowned up at the wooden ceiling.

"Keating doesn't deserve this," Steven Meeks announced solemnly, prostrate on his hard dormitory mattress.

"Yeah," his roommate, Gerard Pitts, agreed softly from his desk chair. He had been sitting in the uncomfortable piece of furniture for hours now, simply staring at the wall. He hadn't even twitched when Meeks had come back in and slammed the door shut. An act of defiance, too little and too late.

"God, Pitts, why'd we sign it?" the redhead sat up and stared at his best friend, hoping for an explanation that might make him feel like less of a backstabbing bastard, less like he'd betrayed his greatest teacher and the memory of a dear friend. Pitts shrugged.

"Dunno. For Neil?" The smaller boy bolted off his bed at the question.

"We both know Neil wouldn't want this! No, we did it because we're the lowest pond scum on the face of the Earth. _Lower _than pond scum, even," Meeks's voice was growing steadily louder, soon to match the furious pacing of his feet. Pitts finally turned his head so he could eye his roommate warily. "We just helped Nolan to fire the best teacher this school has ever seen! And we did it in the name of the one person who'd probably object to it most! Neil'd be furious with us! And where is Mr. Keating going to go with this on his record? We've probably helped to not just get him out of Welton, but teaching altogether! We're finks and cowards, and, and heartless _bastards_!" Voice cracking, Meeks sat down on the edge of Pitts's bed and cradled his head in his hands.

The taller teen moved to join him, gingerly wrapping his arm around his best friend's shoulders. "Yeah, we are." The redhead looked up at his roommate's quite agreement. A small, sad smile on his face, he moved to rest his head on the other teen's shoulder.

"Nothing is going to make this feel better, huh?" He said wryly, voice at a much lower decibel.

"No, probably not." Meeks tried to nod in acknowledgement, but the brunette's neck stopped his movements. Instead, they fell into a comfortable silence, content with just feeling the slight rise and fall of each other's breathing.

" Do you think Todd will crack?" Meeks finally asked. He felt his head lift and lower slightly and smiled at Pitts's typical response. He waited for an elaboration.

"I think, maybe, he, ah, loved, Neil enough not to. If, uh, if it were you, I probably wouldn't of done it…" the larger boy trailed off into silence. Meeks tensed at the implied sentiment and waited for Pitts to say something to negate it. Waiting wasn't exactly the right word, he was terrified that his best friend would take it back. The silence dragged on as Pitts made no indication of continuing. Finally, falling into the role he'd always occupied, Meeks spoke first.

"You love me?" The redhead asked quietly. The question lingered in the air as Pitts shifted uncomfortably, but made no move to shrug off his best friend's head.

"Yeah, I guess. Y'know, we're best friends, and stuff and well, yeah." His stomach dropped as Meeks moved his head, only recovering slightly when he that his roommate was simply moving to look him directly in the eyes. He averted his own gaze quickly.

"Just best friends?" The question was so soft that the larger boy wouldn't have heard it if they hadn't been inches away from each other. As it was, tension permeated the room as Pitts tried to make his head nod. If he could do that, this would all end. The funny feeling in his stomach would subside and his very _male _best friend would stop looking at him like that. They would be normal, like they'd always been. But he couldn't get his head to make that simple up and down motion. He couldn't.

Pitts returned his eyes to his best friend's and watched in silent inactivity as his roommate's gaze drifted down to his mouth and then back up. He remained perfectly still as Meeks shyly bridged the gap between them. He made no move to stop the other boy as he pressed his lips to the brunette's.

That was the end of the Pitts's willpower. He made a small choking noise in the back of his throat and began to move his lips against his best friend's, both completely inexperienced but not caring. After all they'd been through in the last few days, they couldn't resist this little bit of happiness, the sin that suddenly seemed much less wrong. And this, this Pitts had been wanting for so long, he just hadn't realized it.

After what seemed too long and yet not long enough, Meeks broke the kiss. The two roommates sat staring at each other, trying to come to terms with what had just happened and what kissing another man and _liking_ it meant.

Finally, the smaller boy offered a half-hearted "We could always pretend it never happened," which Pitts quickly responded to in the negative. The redhead smiled faintly at the vehemence in his best friend's words. "If we don't do that, what?"

Pitts remained silent for a long moment. Finally, "I know we're both guys. But I don't want to lose you. We already lost Neil and Charlie's been expelled, and I couldn't stand it if you were gone too," he murmured, blushing. Somehow, admitting his feelings for Meeks was more embarrassing than actually kissing him had been.

"I don't want to lose you either. We'll figure it out." The redhead wrapped his arms around his roommate's torso and nuzzled his head into the brunette's neck. "Later," he added as Pitts's long arms enfolded him in an embrace that said everything the larger boy couldn't.


End file.
